Pictured: Santa Claus and some of his 'employees'.

Santa has been sanctioned!

His job will be a lot easier this year.

7th December, 2025.

It's almost Christmas time and Santa Claus ("Santa") is not going to be very busy this year. After learning that he will be delivering toys to Russian children, the miserable mean-spirited EU politicians in Brussels have voted to sanction Santa. Yes! These Russophobic and Nazi-loving misfits have decided that Santa must be punished.

The tiny 'pipsqueak' countries in the Baltic region, who also hate Russia, are supporting this inhuman policy. They have firmly declared their narrow-mindedness and stubborn pride is more important than spreading goodwill during the festive season. "Humbug!", they all declare, as they make the fictional character 'Ebenezer Scrooge' look like an angelic social worker.

However, all is not lost for those children who excitedly anticipate a visit from Santa. Their parents now have to break it to them gently that Santa will not pay them a visit this year. Excuses abound. So how will they overcome this problem? Well ... as usual, the parents will just do what they do every year and go to the local multinational toy shop and buy the usual mass-produced and soulless cheap plastic c**p they give their kids each year (in the pretence that Santa left it for them). This year though the kids will be told that some courier firm came during the night and brought them their presents.

As a consequence of this situation, Santa's elves have been put on short working hours. They will get extra time off this year thanks to the 'Grinches' in Europe lightening their work load.

Some of Santa's elves busy at work.

Will this situation persists for years to come? While the EU politicians are too busy working out how to steal billions of Euros of Russian funds, Santa will be working in the background on how to resolved this despicable mess. Fakir News wishes him luck, and hopes the wretched degenerates who are claiming to represent their populations all suffer horribly because of their vindictiveness.

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One example of where you can buy (e.g. Chinese) mass-produced c**p, and what desperate parents are prepared to do to get it ...

"300 people queued for 4 hours for this high street store with prices from £1"

"Blind boxes with mystery treats tucked inside; cutesy home accessories; trading cards, and more games than you could shake a stick at. These are some of the offerings available at [name withheld], a shop selling trinkets and collabs with the likes of [brand names withheld]."

- Metro News (metro.co.uk), 4th December, 2025.

Pictured: Boris having a ball ... almost.

British entrant to Sumo competition fails badly.

He doesn't understand the rules.

18th October, 2025.

A 'Grand Sumo Tournament' is taking place at the Royal Albert Hall in London right now. However, the solitary British entry (known as 'Boris the Ballgrabber') was disqualified during the first round when he tried to employ the illegal manoeuvre of grabbing and squeezing one of his opponent's testicles.

The 'Gyogi' (referee) immediately called out the offender for this offence and forcefully ordered 'Boris' not to return. What was he thinking of, that he could rewrite the ancient and sacred rules of Sumo? What possessed him to think he could do whatever he pleased. Well, Boris does have a history of being a law unto himself, so it came as no surprise he would try to get away with such a dirty trick.

Perhaps Boris should stick to sports where grabbing other people's testicles is more acceptable - such as in the sport of Rugby Union. It's difficult to think of any other pursuit that Boris could get away with this practice.

There is also the question of what what contained within his Mawashi (the cloth wrapped around a Sumo wrestler's waist and other 'regions'). Boris chose to break with tradition and wear a good old-fashioned British nappy (diaper). This further infuriated the Gyogi, and his opponent, as it bulged much more than it should have. Rumour has it that his own version of the Mawashi contained some snacks to eat between bouts, namely sausage rolls and scotch eggs. But others have claimed it was full of poop. Who knows?

Whatever Boris does next we can be assured he will never be allowed to indulge in Sumo wrestling again. In fact, there is talk of him being banned from visiting Japan at any foreseeable time in the near future. This is at least until Boris apologises profusely for trying to bring the sport of Sumo into disrepute.